Microsoft Unwieldy Product Name Ultimate Multimedia Edition 2010

10.04.2009

Despite using a mac, I try not to be a Microsoft basher, simply because there's a) no point and b) it makes you look like an ass. This is not to say that Microsoft and I see eye to eye on everything. Microsoft Word is the absolute bane of my existence due to its inability to perform even the simplest of tasks without f*cking up somehow - a spectacular anti-product that is outdone on the crap-meter only by Microsoft Excel, a product whose crappiness I won't even start in about, lest I never finish this entry until next year.

But these legitimate gripes aside, I try to avoid the "design bashing" that a lot of Mac zealots (generally the ones that laugh at the PC vs. Mac commercials) engage in. Apple and Microsoft have different aesthetic approaches, and that be that. However, I was browsing the Microsoft homepage the other day (what, you mean you don't do that for fun?) when I ran across the Microsoft Forefront product family page. If you've never seen it, you really ought to take a look. The product names are ridiculous: "Microsoft Forefront Server Security Management Console." "Microsoft Forefront Protection 2010 For Exchange Server." "Microsoft Forefront Security for Office Communications Server." ... Jesus Christ, these are names for a single fricken program...!!! If your product name has seven words in it plus a numerical date...! then my friend, I'm sad to say, you are doing it wrong. Ridiculous. Someone must have realised how unwieldy these names were as well, because they tried to "stylise" them by writing them in cutesy stacked logos with no less than three different font sizes to try and hide their awkward length. It didn't work.

So yes. If you're the poor IT professional who is forced to say "Hey Tom, pass me our copy of Microsoft Forefront Security for Office Communications Server, would you?" on a daily basis, my heart goes out to you. And Steve Ballmer? Maybe you could work on shortening those names a bit, eh? Do it for the IT professionals' sake.